Company Trip

I am going to a company trip tomorrow to a fishing village at the sourthern tip of my country. From the pictures I can find from the Internet on the place I am about to go, I feel that it's better not to put in too much of expectation. Good things don't come cheap, so with the budget given by the company, it's not really something to be complained about. It's paid by the company, for food and stay, so the less I expect, the more happy I am. Hopefully I get good food as promised. I wish everyone a great weekend, and I will see you next week.

A goal in life

One of the worst questions that people could ever ask me. I would just look into the blank and come out with an answer when the sun explodes. I really feel sad for myself. My only goal in life is to be a happy man, but that would require a lot of effort, or very little, depending on where I am at in my life. An extreme PC, and games, a steady flow of money for survival, and a contented family. Something like that. Hey, didn't I just set one? Time to crawl to that goal.

*yawns*

The sun isn't exploding, is it?

Tunnel Vision

I seem to always neglect the little details that matter. Whenever I have my eye on something, usually something big, and most of the time, important, I don't go and look for the rest of the small things, which are also important. I have this bad habit of forgetting the little things when my mind is on something big. Like when I paint the wall, I forget the corners, or I forgot to take out the nails on the wall or cello-tape and stuffs, then I will have to repaint the places where I have neglected. It's not really the first time. It happens lots of time, just in different scenarios, and I have to make amendments to what I was previously doing. It's really a waste of time and energy, and I can't really prevent it from happening, unless I am doing the same thing, like painting the wall again, I will remember not to make the same mistake again. If only I was more observant......

Anyone got pointers to share on how to be more careful and sensitive?

Reason

There is always a reason to everything, isn't there? It's easy for a scientist to come out with a theory, or a conclusion, to prove their concept, using proven calculations, and some scientific methods. Easy in the sense that they can always find reason, or reason that is close enough, or sometimes, it's just wrong, but still, it's a reason that can be calculated.

But how do we explain the things that a human can do? Everything is so subjective, and unpredictable. There is no pattern or rhythm to it. There are too many possibilities but very seldom what we think is correct. So many people in the world, so many different perspectives. When we try to make a conclusion, we tend to make it based on what we have encountered in our lifetime. So what we can come out with is limited to what we know, and too often that what we know is never enough.

We can't really calculate a person's action. We can only take a guess. Maybe we will be right, maybe we will be wrong. We do not live in a world of black and white. Everything is in shades of gray. That's what makes it so difficult to predict. There are so many tones that we can see, and even more that we can't see. What one can see is only a minuscule part of the spectrum, but the tones are so hard to be differentiate from one another, and misunderstanding occurs. Sometimes, what you think is correct, is only correct to your own sense.

Social science, that what they call it. The study of human society and of individual relationships in and to society (courtesy of www.answers.com). I really wonder if it's a subject that can be taught. I guess it's possible to put things down in general, but it's always the little details that matter. When you can predict the actions of human beings, you practically control the whole world, which in turn, is dominated by humans.

A sense of purpose

"Why the hell am I here in the world!?!?"

That's probably the first question I asked myself when I was brought into this world. I just can't seem to find the answer, and cried, like how every baby did. I still haven't found the answer yet, and is still looking for the perfect one for me, passive aggressively.

A purpose. We live everyday, but for what reason?

Humans are practically decimating the Earth, so are our purpose here to wreak havoc? Well, it depends, and the only good more humans come into the world is for the benefit of other humans. This is one statement that will always ring true. There will not be a "greater good", unless every human being in the world shares a single consciousness.

But isn't there a saying, "Live for yourself"?

Sure, then we have to reduce the scope of purpose, down to the self. Every little thing we do, it brings impact to ourselves, and to those around us. Then, there are those wise enough to show the answers through action, because, it's very obvious that action speaks louder than words. But, having to pull one of that off, will require plenty of wisdom, or on the contrary, the lack of wisdom or none at all, where the other one is wise enough to see the impact it brings, and learn a lesson without having to suffer the consequences.

If everything we do requires a reason, would everyone just stay stoned?

That should explain why addicts are so into drugs. They have lost their purpose. Insensibly losing pieces of their life away to drugs. There are people who do things without much of a reason, or when they see a door, they open it without too much hesitation. Simple logic, you need something, then you get yourself that something. You need water, then go get it. It's the way it has always been. We take, and very seldom we think of the impact it brings in the future. Maybe everyone can cross the bridge when he or she gets there, but if everyone takes the bridge for granted, the bridge is going to fall sooner or later. Then there are people who would repair the bridge, or maybe even make it better, upgrade it. The heroes and heroines of mankind. Then there are those who take the road less taken, using ways other than the bridge to cross the gap. The geniuses of mankind, and technology develops.

I'm still lost...

Then I guess I should stick to the words of wisdom that has always been my way of life. "Let it be, let it be. Ignorance is bliss".

Cheers! ^^

Hope

It's something that everyone can afford whenever possible. It's so simple, yet, enough to drive someone to do what everyone would call impossible. Hell, I did things that even I would think not sensible, and all because I had hopes. Waiting for a call that wouldn't come, waiting for a message that wouldn't come, waiting for a radio shout-out that wouldn't come. There wasn't a reason behind the wait, save for one: I hoped that it comes. There is a slight difference between hopes and expectations. In hoping, we play a more passive role. In expecting, we are more aggressive. The small sense of hope in me, and in everyone, keeps the world alive, and full of surprises. There are so many things that a human can do, and who says hope is still stuck in Pandora's Box? When was the last time you have ever hoped?

*trying to do the Richard Gere smile, which I can't*

Taking up and Letting Go

Taking up on responsibilities, and letting go of feelings, to be more precise. Why is there a certain persistence to the reluctancy in being a guy that has more commitments, or a guy that's easily unbinds himself? I have always know myself to take on more than I can handle, and then when I try to commit to it, it becomes unbearable. Maybe I didn't put up enough effort, maybe it wasn't meant to be, but the conclusion never changes: I failed to deliver. I know damn well that it's my own fault, but my ego denies me of that thought. I am not growing any younger, and any matured person would see this and will make drastic changes to make a difference, but I am still far from maturity, not in the physical sense. Then fear develops, and whenever I see responsibility, I make a run for it, ever escaping, and not facing it. Maybe I am always looking at things by the worst case scenario, but I never know myself for thinking serious thoughts. I am just like how I expect myself to be. I just think a lot, and never making any moves.

Then I am one who is really reluctant to let go. This trait is definitely tied to my reluctance to take on more responsibilities. I love my family a lot, and the sense of security they provide. But then, I would have to start my own family sooner or later, and I still live with my parents, at the age of 22. "Little momma's boy", a definitive term to describe me. This is one bad rap towards myself, one who's unwilling to let go of the favorable feelings. I am human after all, or a coward in the society that I live in, forever escaping reality, forever clinging to safety. I might need a change in my life, but I am afraid of the unforeseeable outcomes. Maybe I should just give myself a break, and take things slowly, one at a time, because changes should be taken slowly and steadily, given the right circumstances. I guess it's either a luxury that I could still afford, or it's poison, slowly killing me without me knowing it. Either way, I should keep my mouth shut for a while, and my mind calm. Thank you for your time reading my senseless babble. Now I would return to my napping...

Forgiveness

How often do you see it happen? It's getting a lot less frequent nowadays, and most of them doing it are parents, trying to be as compassionate as reasoning allows, and because a lot of children just love to make stupid mistakes. The only real forgiveness will only come with forgetting what really happened. It's really a good countermeasure against morons who wouldn't learn. Sure, everyone makes mistakes, but do they change right after?

A lot wouldn't, not without the right incentives. Some don't even want the forgiveness of others. These are the people who are truly alone, and enjoys solitude, a sociopath.

Then there are those who take forgiveness for granted, and repeat the same mistakes again, hoping subconsciously that they will be forgiven. These are what we call dumbheaded jackasses.

Then there are worse, those that throw them back, deny all that they have done, twisting the words, turning the table and put the blame on someone else. The worst of the lot. I know this sounds clichéd, but calling them morons will be an insult to morons everywhere.

Then there are those who repent, and keeps it that way. Then in the end, people call them wussies, just following the whim of others. Who are the real wussies in the end? Those who admit their mistakes, and make a change? Or those who deny their mistakes, and keeps on making them?

Besides, it takes plenty of courage to even ask for forgiveness. You know you did something wrong, and would that conscience in you wants you to ask for forgiveness? or blame yourself on your wrongdoing? Looking at the person that you have wronged, how would you feel? Would you just say "I am sorry"? Or "Forgive me"? Or would you just prefer to stick yourself to the corner, hoping not to cross his or her eyes? It's sad to be alone, and to be hated, because of one stupid mistake. I had my share of experiences, had you?

It takes a lot to ask for forgiveness, and a couple of times more to forgive. We make mistakes, and life is all about learning to be a better person. Holding yourself down over one mistake, or over someone else's mistake is not really a good direction for a healthy lifestyle, so just be careful not to make too many of them, and learn from them, and change, then adapt. Acquire the right mindset, then you will find the world a better place.

*Releases a long sigh*

Expectations

Everything we do in life, we expect a result, and thus, an expectation is kept at heart. Other than charity (maybe), I couldn't recall any sort of action where someone actually do something and not expecting a return. We plant a seed, and we will expect it to grow into a plant. We rear animals, and we expect some sort of return, like affection, or food source. We throw the ball, and expect it to go away, instead of coming back. So many scenarios, and every one of them shows the same pattern: We expect something to happen. Regardless of how impossible the outcome to be, there is a certain expectation in everyone else, hoping that they see what they want to see.

Our expectations are limited to our creativity, and guts, and the degree of expectation is limited to our perception of the world. So many people in the world, yet, expectations wouldn't differ much to one another. Of course, there is a certain boundary, which divides the sane, and otherwise. Stepping over the boundary is what everyone is trying to keep themselves from doing. Stepping on the boundary, however, is what keeps the geniuses at the top. They take risks, trying to achieve what others deemed unlikely, and succeed. Everyone has his or her own crazy ideas, but how many are willing to take the necessary options to step on the line? Many have tried, and failed, and most back away. Persistence comes into play, and expectations grow, and evolve at every turning point. People keep trying and trying and trying. There are instances where one keeps trying, and doesn't succeed, even until he or she dies. But imagine the inspiration that those who tried left behind. People are growing more and more self-centered, they forget to try. I won't blame them. No one will. It takes a whole lot more than one person to take the road less taken. Taking the whole world alone is not really good for health. There is really nothing to be blamed about. I am just trying to remind about the unearthed potential. That's all.

Expectations is what put people in places they have never dreamed of, and places they have dreamed of as well. We are only an insignificant portion of the universe, and the Earth can die away, without leaving much of an impact to the rest of the universe. Think about it.

Emotions

Interesting the way how emotion works. Everything has a direct opposite. Love and hate, joy and sorrow, pleasure and pain, and so many more of the contradicting emotions. Everything is just two sides of the same coin. It depends which side the coin falls when a person decides to toss the coin, decides to feel which emotion more. The negative emotions are so much more easier to grasp. Even as a child, you find yourself giving in more naturally into the negative emotions. It's in every human to choose what to feel, and too often humans chose to delve into the darker side. The negative emotions are so much more stronger, and easier to feel. Whereas, the positive ones, requires more effort, and reasoning to get into. Someone who choose to love someone else can choose to hate the same person as much as well. It's always the choice for one person to choose what to feel. But throughout the years, the negative emotions have brought more impact in the pages of history than the positive emotions.

Even in my own life, I feel the impact of the negative emotion much stronger. Then when I feel these negative influences, I think, like I always do, make more reasoning on my own, and try to find the door that leads me away. At the end of the day, the only door out is to accept the negative influence, and be ready for the next outburst. Feeling negative emotions is one way to grow stronger against it, just like our own immunity system. We take more of the negative emotions, adapt to its intensity and increase our tolerance. It's the human way of doing things, as it has always been: we adapt. There is a reason for us to feel negative emotions as the stronger emotions, and the positives ones as weaker. We need to use this to our advantage, grow stronger against negative emotions, and appreciate the positive ones more, when it comes. Never let your emotions do the thinking, instead, think with your emotions. I got the previous excerpt from a certain Robert Kiyosaki, and he's got a point.

*scratches head*
*sighs*

Forsaken, forgotten

Everyone is bound to face a situation where one have to give up on something to get another. Every item has a value. It depends on the subject, to determine the value of items, as the saying goes "One man's meat is another man's poison". But more often than not, people seem to trade off something more important to them than they know it is, just for the sake of satisfaction. Revenge is a good example. What do you get if you return an eye for an eye? A slight piece of feeling? A sense of fulfillment? A lot will be forsaken when one goes great length at pursuing revenge, as their vision gets narrower, so does their life. I have always had the tendency to exact vindication, mostly for something minor, or petty, but luckily, I am the forgetful sort. Things come and go in my mind, and I actually forget more than I can remember. The main problem is, the little devil in me that screams for ungodly justification. Suppressing it is all I can do. Actually, it's all people can do. Everyone has a "little devil" in them. It just requires the right catalyst to unleash it. It will be our job to keep it at bay, under any circumstances. I hope that I am strong enough to do that, when the time comes. I really hate the idea that I would do something that I totally regret, and live the remainder of my life as a bitter and miserable fool.

So close, yet so far

This morning, I arrive at the doors of my office as usual. Doors are usually opened at that hour, but when I was trying to swing it open, it didn't budge, and I couldn't see my colleagues from that point of view. In reaction, I shook on the door like a moron, instead of looking for another possible way which will open the door, which there is. I was stoned for a moment when one of my female colleagues came to the door, taking out a familiar piece of doodad from the pocket of her pants - an access card, which apparently, I have as well, as does every employee of the company. I immediately realize the card tagging machine right by the far left side of the door, and gave a good mental smack to the head. The access card system has been installed, after a few weeks of shifting to the new office location. A thought occurred to me, on how in the world could I have missed that obvious contraption that is only a few inches away from the door? I chose to shake the doors instead, that fool in me that's hoping that the doors will swing open miraculously.

It's quite similar to life, my life, at least. I look at things on the short term. The apparent reason for shaking on the door is because my hands were on the handles of the door, so when I can't open the door, I try to force it. If I chose to lay back a little, and ponder on why the door is locked, I could very well have notice the card tagging machine. It's not really oblivious. I didn't see it because it wasn't there last week. I chose not to see it, the very same reason I couldn't see or sense the little changes that have occurred around me. I should really pay more attention to the little details that matter. Like they say, how you bring yourself around will reflect who you really are. There were so many better solutions to problems, but I have always been taking the path that requires the least reasoning. More life, more re-evaluation on the self. Your actions define your well being, so I hope the next time I see doors that wouldn't open, I have a sledgehammer ready. *chuckles*

Cheers!

Sleep

Who doesn't like sleep? I have currently found a few that says that sleep is a waste of time, because you are doing nothing. Technically speaking, your body, mind and soul are recovering from a day's (or in some case, a few days') work, so you are doing something, just not knowing it. Everyone loves sleeping for the same reason. Fatigue. Something is exhausted from you, and recovery must take place, to fill in what's missing. As for me, it's more often than not, the mind. I am only a man of thought, nothing more. Action takes place much too slowly, if not none at all, to make any real impact. Another problem with me is that I know what's holding me back, but I couldn't be bothered to solve it like other people do. And when that happens, I sleep...... This is the vicious cycle of my life...... Boy, this is depressing......

*ZzzzZzzzZzzz...

Start early

A lot of people tend to do things only when they are required to do so. So many opportunities that present themselves bare right under people's noses, but they never seem to realize it before it's too late. For example, if you know bad health is never good, then start changing, your lifestyle, your diet, your daily routine. Just do it before you realize that going on medication is the only way. That's just one example, and there are so many more things where starting early never hurts. Youths nowadays are just thinking about partying, and never about what's going to happen to them 30 years later. Sure, a lot of things can happen, but planning early saves you for the years ahead. Don't go all out on a specific plan, just come out with a goal, a to-do list, and a not-to-do list. Everything will change with time and experience, and the list will mature, as you will. In other words, save the rain before the drought.

Scrounge

Seems that my little quest for cheap food has gone quite well. All I need now is an alliance, with my colleagues, to search for all that is good and cheap. Going through the alternative have never been this fun. Walking in the mall and looking at menus and prices. Time to get food samples! Still that little cretin scrounging for food. Ok, big little cretin.

*stomach grumbles*

Shit......

New Location

The current company that I am working for has shifted to a new location, and it happens to be right above a shopping mall. It saved me a lot of transportation fee, but now I have to worry about food expenses. Seems that there aren't any food stalls selling cheap food at walking distance, so it's like from the frying pan into the fire. There is always a balance to everything is so true at times, and I guess now I need to survey around for the cheapest food selling premises...... darn......

Winds of change

Walking my dog yesterday, there were currents of wind that continued for minutes. The current was moderate, and is extremely soothing. I have always liked the wind, and it has been a while since there were currents as strong as yesterday. My mind was blank, every part of my body was entranced by the feeling of wind blowing against it. Then there was this instance where I found myself.

I am nothing.

To myself, I am nothing. I am only something to everyone else. The son, the friend, and the bastard who took all his/her food. Humans need each other to be something. Without others, we are nothing.

风, 虚虚地抚摸, 渗入我脑海里, 夺走了思想, 留下一片平静, 那一剎哪间, 寻找到了自己 - 空. 原来我什么都不是.

White Hair

Looking at myself in the mirror, I kept my eye locked on the few strands of white hair that curled up away from the rest of the black ones. It reminds me of a few people, the first being my father. He is a hot tempered person, but the years have slowly reduce his temperament, every weekday, Working for his family, his life, and his future. He may not be the perfect father figure that I have always hoped for, but I was never the perfect son either. All his years of support and being there for his family is more than enough for being a good father. Now it's my turn to slowly take up the responsibility to take care of the family, and I will do so gladly, if not slowly.

Then there is my mother, who always keep herself in good health, and the health of the family as well. She was quite patient bringing up all her children, and have always been tolerant with my father's temper. I am extremely thankful that my family is still intact after all these years, and even while I wasn't too kind to her during the teenage years, I am glad it's all over now, and I am glad that I am where I am, because of my parents, bringing me up as the human that I am. Even though I can't cook well, I am EXTREMELY thankful for all the wonderful food that my mother have been making, and is still making now.

Then finally, I think about myself. What have I done? I keep asking myself this question, but the answers seems to elude my mind. Again looking in the mirror, I see a boy, who is still the same as before, carefree, and worrisome both at the same time. The few strands of white hair, curled up in its position, and me, stoned for a moment, thinking on what I want to do with my life. Then, the one answer that makes all of this pondering a whole lot more sense: I need to get myself a girlfriend.

*chuckles* Cheers to all!

The Old Days

What happened to human interaction? It was so much more different when I was studying. Working life sure has a completely different base than a studying life. Everyone was close to each other, and even if not close, everyone would know each other's name. The working life however, people come and go just as easy. You know someone for three months, then he/she would leave for a better job elsewhere. I am not saying that it's bad, it's just I miss the schooling days, where people actually "hang out" with each other, not merely going out just for lunch. Talking to each other was so much more simple during the schooling period. In the working life, I seem to scare the females away, which doesn't happen when I was studying......much. I still need to better my way of approaching them and bringing myself around then...... *grumbles*

Those were the good ol' days......

Learn something new everyday

It amazes me how many more interesting things one can learn just by talking to someone else. It doesn't have to be useful, but as long as it's new, it's good exercise for the brain. It's either I have shut myself in my own world for too long, or there's just too many things that can be learned out there. Some knowledge are gained even when we don't realize it. Ok, I think everyone would know it as "gossip" but then, the gossips are so much more entertaining than typical news you get from the newspapers. Not the tabloid kind of stuffs, just hearsay from people that heard it from someone else. You may never know what you might have not heard.

"A wise man is he who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has."

— Epictetus (c. 50-120)