Taking up on responsibilities, and letting go of feelings, to be more precise. Why is there a certain persistence to the reluctancy in being a guy that has more commitments, or a guy that's easily unbinds himself? I have always know myself to take on more than I can handle, and then when I try to commit to it, it becomes unbearable. Maybe I didn't put up enough effort, maybe it wasn't meant to be, but the conclusion never changes: I failed to deliver. I know damn well that it's my own fault, but my ego denies me of that thought. I am not growing any younger, and any matured person would see this and will make drastic changes to make a difference, but I am still far from maturity, not in the physical sense. Then fear develops, and whenever I see responsibility, I make a run for it, ever escaping, and not facing it. Maybe I am always looking at things by the worst case scenario, but I never know myself for thinking serious thoughts. I am just like how I expect myself to be. I just think a lot, and never making any moves.
Then I am one who is really reluctant to let go. This trait is definitely tied to my reluctance to take on more responsibilities. I love my family a lot, and the sense of security they provide. But then, I would have to start my own family sooner or later, and I still live with my parents, at the age of 22. "Little momma's boy", a definitive term to describe me. This is one bad rap towards myself, one who's unwilling to let go of the favorable feelings. I am human after all, or a coward in the society that I live in, forever escaping reality, forever clinging to safety. I might need a change in my life, but I am afraid of the unforeseeable outcomes. Maybe I should just give myself a break, and take things slowly, one at a time, because changes should be taken slowly and steadily, given the right circumstances. I guess it's either a luxury that I could still afford, or it's poison, slowly killing me without me knowing it. Either way, I should keep my mouth shut for a while, and my mind calm. Thank you for your time reading my senseless babble. Now I would return to my napping...
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2 comments:
Sometimes you don't have the luxury to apply the "Ready, Aim, Fire" approach because there are certain things that doesn't have a clear path to the end... And sometimes you just have to make a choice at that very instance...
It is better then to Ready, Aim, Aim, Aim, Aim and when you are about to fire, your target is already gone away... Does that make sense to you?
In other words, cross the bridge when you get there, but make sure you know there is a bridge.
Am I right, or am I right?
XD
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