Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Nature

There is so much that we can learn from nature. How much do we actually know about the things that surround us everyday? Taking a break off work sure is rewarding, even though I don't have too much of work, I always appreciate all the breaks I could get off work. We become so attached to getting rich quick than to take prize in the wealth that is already around us. Work with a purpose. Don't be like a robot, where the work becomes a purpose. One day, the sky won't be as blue anymore, the star not as bright, the air not as fresh. We have already lost so much, only to realize it when all is gone. Do we really need to lose more?

Friday, August 17, 2007

Company Trip

I am going to a company trip tomorrow to a fishing village at the sourthern tip of my country. From the pictures I can find from the Internet on the place I am about to go, I feel that it's better not to put in too much of expectation. Good things don't come cheap, so with the budget given by the company, it's not really something to be complained about. It's paid by the company, for food and stay, so the less I expect, the more happy I am. Hopefully I get good food as promised. I wish everyone a great weekend, and I will see you next week.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Resonance

One powerful term, used to describe a reaction where a certain object vibrates when there is an external force applied periodically, whose frequency is equal or very close to the natural undamped frequency of that object. I am not referring to the term used in physics though.

How many people can create a resonance in others through words? Delivering a message strong enough to create a violent reaction? A simple speech that can spark the gunfires of war. A lengthy negotiation to control peace among others. Sweet talks that sway the hearts of maidens. Lies that deceives the weak minded. Words alone can change the world, be it those that are chosen wisely, or blurted out of a sudden. When use properly, given the right time and the right place, under the right circumstances, words are one of the worse (or most powerful) weapons that you can use to set events into motion.

Be very careful if you understand the significance of words. Humans are an unpredictable bunch. Choose them with finesse, and you feel its power.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Just when you think it's over...

So many things in the world, so many feelings, bonds, obligations. It's never easy to sever the ties to the materials of this world. Clinging to reality, or what seems to be reality. Everything we see, we develop a certain connection to it. We adapt slowly, but we find it hard to break off the connection once we get comfortable with it.

You think you have finally sever the connection, the truth deliberately ignored by the conscious mind, a few strands of the connection remains in the sub-conscious, waiting for the right events to trigger emotions, and the void that was once there opens up, accepting all sorts of thoughts, throwing the mind into utter chaos, insanity follows, logic and reasoning falters, and the fragile piece of humanity is consumed by madness.

Ties to the past lingers to the present, more ties forming the longer we linger in the world, unwilling to disappear, unable to break apart, keeping us conscious to the world, and unconscious to the self. Awareness is both a gift and a curse. Ignorance and indulgence are the extreme ends to it, moderation is key...

Moderation is the key, the key to salvation. Will there ever be a true salvation? Life and death is a never-ending cycle, Death is a part of Life, Life is a part of Death. In search of Death, we are shadowed by Life. In search of Life, we are shadowed by Death. The cycle that never ends. The world doesn't need any change. We are defined by the world around us, and the world is defined by the very same people. Change is what we do to the world, change is what the world has done to us.

Have a good day. Savor it while it lasts, tomorrow will never be the same, yet, history repeats......

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Lamers

When was the last time you did something stupid? I am not speaking about mistakes and all that, just something stupid, like purposely rolling yourself down the hill, or taste a 9 volt battery with your tongue. Everyone had their urge for doing something incomprehensible from time to time, it just takes a lot more action and a lot less brainpower to do it. I remember those times, most when I was a kid, as well as when I was a teenager. The feeling gotten from wanting to do it, while I was doing it and after I was done with it are still kept at heart. I used to remember how freedom tastes like, until I was introduced to the world of papers and pieces of metallic shiny objects. I remember being a lamer, and enjoying the feeling of being one. Guess I will now go back to reality, and keep the memories for laugh.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Back

After 9 days of silence, I am back to this blog. Got myself a new job, and have been working for a full week now. Having to drive to work now, the monthly expenses have risen. Being able to sleep a little while longer, I have to pay more for transportation instead. Well, meeting new colleagues is exciting, but I miss my old ones. Having to feel the sensation of driving, I trade off the time I can take to take naps while waiting in the train. Striking a balance, as always, life seems to be. Now my way of talking seems to suffer from Yoda syndrome, it seems......

Friday, August 3, 2007

Blank stare

(O_O)

Yep, that's the look I'm going to give you for the weekend. Guess it's just a minor case of writer's block, or maybe it's just that I am too lazy to think something up. Have a good weekend.

(O_O)

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Learn to forget?

How do you actually do that? You need to know how to forget, and to know, you need to remember. So in order to remember, you can't really forget it. So how do you learn to forget? Once you learn how to forget, you have to forget how to forget. If not, then you have learn nothing, either way. If you remember how to forget, you didn't actually learn to forget. If you forget how to forget, then you have learned, up to the point you forget how to. Oh boy, this is one paradox that happens due to the lack of definition. Well, all I can say is, no one can really choose to forget.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Old man's wisdom

The job seeking process is a tedious and lengthy one. Then when it comes to business etiquette, I am one who won't put too much of effort in it. My dad gave me a long lecture on it, and like every teenager, or young adult, or any guy in the world, I grumbled at it, but I still chose to follow his advice, and follow the business etiquette, writing thank you letters and all. Then I try to lay back a little of my hotheadedness, and think a little on the reason behind it. Putting myself in the employer's shoes, I know I won't expect people to write thank you messages, but receiving it might leave a good impression behind, so I guess the old man has his wisdom to share. I hate it when someone else is correct, but I am going to be an old man one day, so I would have my share of being correct as well.

*laughing heinously*

Monday, July 30, 2007

A goal in life

One of the worst questions that people could ever ask me. I would just look into the blank and come out with an answer when the sun explodes. I really feel sad for myself. My only goal in life is to be a happy man, but that would require a lot of effort, or very little, depending on where I am at in my life. An extreme PC, and games, a steady flow of money for survival, and a contented family. Something like that. Hey, didn't I just set one? Time to crawl to that goal.

*yawns*

The sun isn't exploding, is it?

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Stubborn

The wall that separates someone from accepting what he or she think or feel is not according to his or her senses. I have a little bit of that. I lack the cool to accept that people have better solution to problems. Always thinking that I am correct, all the time. In some way, I am more hotheaded than I think I am. It's always better to lay back a little, and listen to what others have to say. That way, I can learn from their perspective and mine. Their ideas may not always be correct, but so are mine. Looking at two different solutions is always better than sticking only to one. Slapping myself mentally into good sense, I should shut off my ego and learn to assimilate. That way, I could change myself into a much better individual.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Serious coughing

Not feeling too good lately. Have been coughing for a whole week, and gets worse when I am trying to sleep. This is pretty annoying, and good to feel that it's slowly coming down to a stop. I still cough a lot, but only when I am trying to sleep. Having to wake up to a cough is not really a good start of the day. Hopefully, the coughing will stop by this weekend. I really want to sleep in peace...

T.T

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Blunt

If there is one word to describe me, this one would fit me best. Everything I see, it will only be surface-deep. Everything I do, is obviously based on what I see, is surface-deep only. I can make people go mad at me by my actions, and I would not know why, or wouldn't even know that someone is mad at me. My thinking, which is also based on what I see, is surface-deep as well. So I am a very simple person, who do and think simple things with a simple purpose, and disregarding the people around me. I seldom make the effort to dig deeper into what went wrong, and have always remained as the moron that I am. Hence, "Blunt" would be the perfect word for me.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Tunnel Vision

I seem to always neglect the little details that matter. Whenever I have my eye on something, usually something big, and most of the time, important, I don't go and look for the rest of the small things, which are also important. I have this bad habit of forgetting the little things when my mind is on something big. Like when I paint the wall, I forget the corners, or I forgot to take out the nails on the wall or cello-tape and stuffs, then I will have to repaint the places where I have neglected. It's not really the first time. It happens lots of time, just in different scenarios, and I have to make amendments to what I was previously doing. It's really a waste of time and energy, and I can't really prevent it from happening, unless I am doing the same thing, like painting the wall again, I will remember not to make the same mistake again. If only I was more observant......

Anyone got pointers to share on how to be more careful and sensitive?

Monday, July 23, 2007

A price to pay

I always talked about the actions of the past having consequences in the future. It happens everyday, and got my own arse kicked my own past actions. Good things come as frequent as the not so good ones. So being the stay-at-home boy during my college years (mostly due to the want to play games at home), I don't go out, or drive out as often. Without a good knowledge of the routes, I find myself having little choice when it comes to traveling. Now, as of today, my ex-colleagues are having a simple gathering at my old working place, and at the same time, I have to attend a job interview a couple of hours later, elsewhere. Supposed if I know the way from my old working place to the venue of the interview, I would have attended both, since the gathering and the interview are a good amount of hours apart, and I know that it is possible. Then comes the roadblock, my own incompetence on recognizing routes. I deserved it, so I need to make a change. Drive more often, and follow my dad out to the city as much as I can, while I still can afford to do so. No use complaining now, so I might as well wish myself luck for the interview.

T.T
*sob*

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Wet days

The sky's been gloomy since yesterday noon. Raining for more than an hour, then on and off again, up until now. Hearing the raindrops hitting surface, not much wind, and no thunder or lightning. Just plain rain. The sound it makes, kept my mind blank, so it's been blank up till now, which is why the only thing I can write about is rain. The sky is still gloomy, and I guess there will be more rain to come. Smelling little bit of moisture in the air, and catching a little bit of chirping, cawing, and squawking here and there. The sound keeps me conscious of everything, and of nothing at the same time. I guess now it's time to go back to the bed, and enjoy the cool weather while it lasts.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Reason

There is always a reason to everything, isn't there? It's easy for a scientist to come out with a theory, or a conclusion, to prove their concept, using proven calculations, and some scientific methods. Easy in the sense that they can always find reason, or reason that is close enough, or sometimes, it's just wrong, but still, it's a reason that can be calculated.

But how do we explain the things that a human can do? Everything is so subjective, and unpredictable. There is no pattern or rhythm to it. There are too many possibilities but very seldom what we think is correct. So many people in the world, so many different perspectives. When we try to make a conclusion, we tend to make it based on what we have encountered in our lifetime. So what we can come out with is limited to what we know, and too often that what we know is never enough.

We can't really calculate a person's action. We can only take a guess. Maybe we will be right, maybe we will be wrong. We do not live in a world of black and white. Everything is in shades of gray. That's what makes it so difficult to predict. There are so many tones that we can see, and even more that we can't see. What one can see is only a minuscule part of the spectrum, but the tones are so hard to be differentiate from one another, and misunderstanding occurs. Sometimes, what you think is correct, is only correct to your own sense.

Social science, that what they call it. The study of human society and of individual relationships in and to society (courtesy of www.answers.com). I really wonder if it's a subject that can be taught. I guess it's possible to put things down in general, but it's always the little details that matter. When you can predict the actions of human beings, you practically control the whole world, which in turn, is dominated by humans.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Sore throat streak

Getting 3 sore throats in 2 months. Good thing that all I need is plenty of water, no medication required. Didn't know that my throat can be this sensitive. No more heaty food for me for the time being, especially not the fried ones. Hopefully, I won't get another one in the coming month......

*clears throat*

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

A sense of purpose

"Why the hell am I here in the world!?!?"

That's probably the first question I asked myself when I was brought into this world. I just can't seem to find the answer, and cried, like how every baby did. I still haven't found the answer yet, and is still looking for the perfect one for me, passive aggressively.

A purpose. We live everyday, but for what reason?

Humans are practically decimating the Earth, so are our purpose here to wreak havoc? Well, it depends, and the only good more humans come into the world is for the benefit of other humans. This is one statement that will always ring true. There will not be a "greater good", unless every human being in the world shares a single consciousness.

But isn't there a saying, "Live for yourself"?

Sure, then we have to reduce the scope of purpose, down to the self. Every little thing we do, it brings impact to ourselves, and to those around us. Then, there are those wise enough to show the answers through action, because, it's very obvious that action speaks louder than words. But, having to pull one of that off, will require plenty of wisdom, or on the contrary, the lack of wisdom or none at all, where the other one is wise enough to see the impact it brings, and learn a lesson without having to suffer the consequences.

If everything we do requires a reason, would everyone just stay stoned?

That should explain why addicts are so into drugs. They have lost their purpose. Insensibly losing pieces of their life away to drugs. There are people who do things without much of a reason, or when they see a door, they open it without too much hesitation. Simple logic, you need something, then you get yourself that something. You need water, then go get it. It's the way it has always been. We take, and very seldom we think of the impact it brings in the future. Maybe everyone can cross the bridge when he or she gets there, but if everyone takes the bridge for granted, the bridge is going to fall sooner or later. Then there are people who would repair the bridge, or maybe even make it better, upgrade it. The heroes and heroines of mankind. Then there are those who take the road less taken, using ways other than the bridge to cross the gap. The geniuses of mankind, and technology develops.

I'm still lost...

Then I guess I should stick to the words of wisdom that has always been my way of life. "Let it be, let it be. Ignorance is bliss".

Cheers! ^^

Monday, July 16, 2007

Transformers

Robots in disguise! Wow, I definitely miss Optimus Prime's voice. Hearing it from the movie just brings memories flowing into the mind. Never would have thought that the Autobots could do slapstick humor in the movie. ROFL! Hopefully, the second movie would have the Decepticons do some as well. And even more hopefully, less humans acting and more robots on screen. Nice touch to Megatron's new voice. Too bad Starscream didn't show his ambitious self in the movie.

"Autobots! Rollout!"
"Decepticons! Attack!"

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Hope

It's something that everyone can afford whenever possible. It's so simple, yet, enough to drive someone to do what everyone would call impossible. Hell, I did things that even I would think not sensible, and all because I had hopes. Waiting for a call that wouldn't come, waiting for a message that wouldn't come, waiting for a radio shout-out that wouldn't come. There wasn't a reason behind the wait, save for one: I hoped that it comes. There is a slight difference between hopes and expectations. In hoping, we play a more passive role. In expecting, we are more aggressive. The small sense of hope in me, and in everyone, keeps the world alive, and full of surprises. There are so many things that a human can do, and who says hope is still stuck in Pandora's Box? When was the last time you have ever hoped?

*trying to do the Richard Gere smile, which I can't*

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Last day at my first company

Apparently, my service to my first company comes to an end today, a seemingly coincidence that it's Friday the 13th. Woo-Hoo! Guess it's time to move on, and move away from all the bad memories, and keeping the good ones intact in the mind. I screw-up a little here and there, but it doesn't really matter now. Guess I will remember how I screwed up and make sure I don't repeat the same mistake twice.

Oh, well. Time to go, time to say my fare-thee-wells.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Taking up and Letting Go

Taking up on responsibilities, and letting go of feelings, to be more precise. Why is there a certain persistence to the reluctancy in being a guy that has more commitments, or a guy that's easily unbinds himself? I have always know myself to take on more than I can handle, and then when I try to commit to it, it becomes unbearable. Maybe I didn't put up enough effort, maybe it wasn't meant to be, but the conclusion never changes: I failed to deliver. I know damn well that it's my own fault, but my ego denies me of that thought. I am not growing any younger, and any matured person would see this and will make drastic changes to make a difference, but I am still far from maturity, not in the physical sense. Then fear develops, and whenever I see responsibility, I make a run for it, ever escaping, and not facing it. Maybe I am always looking at things by the worst case scenario, but I never know myself for thinking serious thoughts. I am just like how I expect myself to be. I just think a lot, and never making any moves.

Then I am one who is really reluctant to let go. This trait is definitely tied to my reluctance to take on more responsibilities. I love my family a lot, and the sense of security they provide. But then, I would have to start my own family sooner or later, and I still live with my parents, at the age of 22. "Little momma's boy", a definitive term to describe me. This is one bad rap towards myself, one who's unwilling to let go of the favorable feelings. I am human after all, or a coward in the society that I live in, forever escaping reality, forever clinging to safety. I might need a change in my life, but I am afraid of the unforeseeable outcomes. Maybe I should just give myself a break, and take things slowly, one at a time, because changes should be taken slowly and steadily, given the right circumstances. I guess it's either a luxury that I could still afford, or it's poison, slowly killing me without me knowing it. Either way, I should keep my mouth shut for a while, and my mind calm. Thank you for your time reading my senseless babble. Now I would return to my napping...

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Sick and Tired (of geting sick)

Feeling slightly uncomfortable at the throat, I grumbled to myself. Hoping that it's not another sore throat, I lied to myself. "I have a bad immune system", I said to myself.

Gently rubbing at the front of my throat, I try to figure out why is there a second coming of a sore throat. It didn't take me long to put the blame on yesterday's lunch. Me and my colleagues celebrated my senior's birthday, by going out for a lunch at a food outlet, close to where we worked. Divided into two tables, each table has decided to order the set lunch for 6 to 7 people. One of my female colleagues was sitting at the table I am sitting at, and using the same cutlery to grab hold of the same food. Seems that she was recovering from a flu, and I got lucky.

*grabs head and pulls hair*
GAH!!!!!

Monday, July 9, 2007

Forgiveness

How often do you see it happen? It's getting a lot less frequent nowadays, and most of them doing it are parents, trying to be as compassionate as reasoning allows, and because a lot of children just love to make stupid mistakes. The only real forgiveness will only come with forgetting what really happened. It's really a good countermeasure against morons who wouldn't learn. Sure, everyone makes mistakes, but do they change right after?

A lot wouldn't, not without the right incentives. Some don't even want the forgiveness of others. These are the people who are truly alone, and enjoys solitude, a sociopath.

Then there are those who take forgiveness for granted, and repeat the same mistakes again, hoping subconsciously that they will be forgiven. These are what we call dumbheaded jackasses.

Then there are worse, those that throw them back, deny all that they have done, twisting the words, turning the table and put the blame on someone else. The worst of the lot. I know this sounds clichéd, but calling them morons will be an insult to morons everywhere.

Then there are those who repent, and keeps it that way. Then in the end, people call them wussies, just following the whim of others. Who are the real wussies in the end? Those who admit their mistakes, and make a change? Or those who deny their mistakes, and keeps on making them?

Besides, it takes plenty of courage to even ask for forgiveness. You know you did something wrong, and would that conscience in you wants you to ask for forgiveness? or blame yourself on your wrongdoing? Looking at the person that you have wronged, how would you feel? Would you just say "I am sorry"? Or "Forgive me"? Or would you just prefer to stick yourself to the corner, hoping not to cross his or her eyes? It's sad to be alone, and to be hated, because of one stupid mistake. I had my share of experiences, had you?

It takes a lot to ask for forgiveness, and a couple of times more to forgive. We make mistakes, and life is all about learning to be a better person. Holding yourself down over one mistake, or over someone else's mistake is not really a good direction for a healthy lifestyle, so just be careful not to make too many of them, and learn from them, and change, then adapt. Acquire the right mindset, then you will find the world a better place.

*Releases a long sigh*

Sunday, July 8, 2007

Expectations

Everything we do in life, we expect a result, and thus, an expectation is kept at heart. Other than charity (maybe), I couldn't recall any sort of action where someone actually do something and not expecting a return. We plant a seed, and we will expect it to grow into a plant. We rear animals, and we expect some sort of return, like affection, or food source. We throw the ball, and expect it to go away, instead of coming back. So many scenarios, and every one of them shows the same pattern: We expect something to happen. Regardless of how impossible the outcome to be, there is a certain expectation in everyone else, hoping that they see what they want to see.

Our expectations are limited to our creativity, and guts, and the degree of expectation is limited to our perception of the world. So many people in the world, yet, expectations wouldn't differ much to one another. Of course, there is a certain boundary, which divides the sane, and otherwise. Stepping over the boundary is what everyone is trying to keep themselves from doing. Stepping on the boundary, however, is what keeps the geniuses at the top. They take risks, trying to achieve what others deemed unlikely, and succeed. Everyone has his or her own crazy ideas, but how many are willing to take the necessary options to step on the line? Many have tried, and failed, and most back away. Persistence comes into play, and expectations grow, and evolve at every turning point. People keep trying and trying and trying. There are instances where one keeps trying, and doesn't succeed, even until he or she dies. But imagine the inspiration that those who tried left behind. People are growing more and more self-centered, they forget to try. I won't blame them. No one will. It takes a whole lot more than one person to take the road less taken. Taking the whole world alone is not really good for health. There is really nothing to be blamed about. I am just trying to remind about the unearthed potential. That's all.

Expectations is what put people in places they have never dreamed of, and places they have dreamed of as well. We are only an insignificant portion of the universe, and the Earth can die away, without leaving much of an impact to the rest of the universe. Think about it.

Thursday, July 5, 2007

Sleepless

Ah, one of the nights where I can't get myself into sleeping. I am not sure if it's the coffee, or sub-consciously not wanting myself to sleep, or the radio, or because I keep repeating the same question in my head "Why can't I sleep?". Getting laid-off sure doesn't feel nice. Now I need to look for another job. I want to thank my friends for being there for me. Guess it's just a bummer to get rejected. Hmm......

T.T

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Emotions

Interesting the way how emotion works. Everything has a direct opposite. Love and hate, joy and sorrow, pleasure and pain, and so many more of the contradicting emotions. Everything is just two sides of the same coin. It depends which side the coin falls when a person decides to toss the coin, decides to feel which emotion more. The negative emotions are so much more easier to grasp. Even as a child, you find yourself giving in more naturally into the negative emotions. It's in every human to choose what to feel, and too often humans chose to delve into the darker side. The negative emotions are so much more stronger, and easier to feel. Whereas, the positive ones, requires more effort, and reasoning to get into. Someone who choose to love someone else can choose to hate the same person as much as well. It's always the choice for one person to choose what to feel. But throughout the years, the negative emotions have brought more impact in the pages of history than the positive emotions.

Even in my own life, I feel the impact of the negative emotion much stronger. Then when I feel these negative influences, I think, like I always do, make more reasoning on my own, and try to find the door that leads me away. At the end of the day, the only door out is to accept the negative influence, and be ready for the next outburst. Feeling negative emotions is one way to grow stronger against it, just like our own immunity system. We take more of the negative emotions, adapt to its intensity and increase our tolerance. It's the human way of doing things, as it has always been: we adapt. There is a reason for us to feel negative emotions as the stronger emotions, and the positives ones as weaker. We need to use this to our advantage, grow stronger against negative emotions, and appreciate the positive ones more, when it comes. Never let your emotions do the thinking, instead, think with your emotions. I got the previous excerpt from a certain Robert Kiyosaki, and he's got a point.

*scratches head*
*sighs*

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

High

Sore throat got to me again. A cold might follow, but I hope not. The weather is very hot and hazy lately, and catching a cold under such circumstances would be ironic indeed. So, having been used to getting a few sore throats in a year, I grab for the cough syrup from the cabinet, and take the usual dosage. As expected, I got wobbly soon after, both in body and mind. Some would call it feeling "high". Well, I can't say I am addicted to it, but I like being "high", as does most of the drug addicts do. I can't believe I am saying this, but I actually like feeling helpless, in the sense of the state of mind, not in real life. I won't go to the extent of taking cough syrups just to get "high", but I think I have been unconsciously hoping for a sore throat, so I could take them. If not, I don't know how to explain the tendency of me getting sore throats every year, even though I take at least 2 liters of water everyday.

*cough* *cough*
*slowly sipping cough syrup*
(o_O)

Monday, July 2, 2007

Forsaken, forgotten

Everyone is bound to face a situation where one have to give up on something to get another. Every item has a value. It depends on the subject, to determine the value of items, as the saying goes "One man's meat is another man's poison". But more often than not, people seem to trade off something more important to them than they know it is, just for the sake of satisfaction. Revenge is a good example. What do you get if you return an eye for an eye? A slight piece of feeling? A sense of fulfillment? A lot will be forsaken when one goes great length at pursuing revenge, as their vision gets narrower, so does their life. I have always had the tendency to exact vindication, mostly for something minor, or petty, but luckily, I am the forgetful sort. Things come and go in my mind, and I actually forget more than I can remember. The main problem is, the little devil in me that screams for ungodly justification. Suppressing it is all I can do. Actually, it's all people can do. Everyone has a "little devil" in them. It just requires the right catalyst to unleash it. It will be our job to keep it at bay, under any circumstances. I hope that I am strong enough to do that, when the time comes. I really hate the idea that I would do something that I totally regret, and live the remainder of my life as a bitter and miserable fool.

Sunday, July 1, 2007

So close, yet so far

This morning, I arrive at the doors of my office as usual. Doors are usually opened at that hour, but when I was trying to swing it open, it didn't budge, and I couldn't see my colleagues from that point of view. In reaction, I shook on the door like a moron, instead of looking for another possible way which will open the door, which there is. I was stoned for a moment when one of my female colleagues came to the door, taking out a familiar piece of doodad from the pocket of her pants - an access card, which apparently, I have as well, as does every employee of the company. I immediately realize the card tagging machine right by the far left side of the door, and gave a good mental smack to the head. The access card system has been installed, after a few weeks of shifting to the new office location. A thought occurred to me, on how in the world could I have missed that obvious contraption that is only a few inches away from the door? I chose to shake the doors instead, that fool in me that's hoping that the doors will swing open miraculously.

It's quite similar to life, my life, at least. I look at things on the short term. The apparent reason for shaking on the door is because my hands were on the handles of the door, so when I can't open the door, I try to force it. If I chose to lay back a little, and ponder on why the door is locked, I could very well have notice the card tagging machine. It's not really oblivious. I didn't see it because it wasn't there last week. I chose not to see it, the very same reason I couldn't see or sense the little changes that have occurred around me. I should really pay more attention to the little details that matter. Like they say, how you bring yourself around will reflect who you really are. There were so many better solutions to problems, but I have always been taking the path that requires the least reasoning. More life, more re-evaluation on the self. Your actions define your well being, so I hope the next time I see doors that wouldn't open, I have a sledgehammer ready. *chuckles*

Cheers!

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Keep It Simple Stupid

Interesting concept, to keep things as simple as possible, and always in layman's terms. I really wonder how many people can really make everyone in the world understand what they say. Unfortunately, almost all of the time, it's always the speaking one that's the only one doing all the work. The audiences may or may not understand what the speaker was trying to say, then there is the choice of applying what the speaker said. There is always a choice, but will the audiences make the right one. Sure, the right one is always subjective to the one making the choice, but in the end, the right choice is all that matters. Al Gore is trying to make everyone understand the significance of global warming, but how many people are actually following his advice? Some terrorists' leader says some mumbo-jumbo about the greater good, and his followers become lemmings, leaping off to doom, and bringing everything in their path along with them. People are prone to make choices that are easy enough for his / her mind, not looking more into the future, to evaluate about the consequences. Everyone has a brain, but how many actually uses them? Keep it stupid is what the majority are doing, and the world is slowly losing out its life force. Simple enough?

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

I think, therefore I am

How often do you think that the whole world is against you? Have you ever consider the fact that people are just going on with their daily lives, but in your little mind, you think everyone is scheming to ruin your life. There is this saying, "Smile, and the world smiles with you". Just think happy thoughts, smile to everyone you see, and everyone around you seem to lighten up, become friendlier in the process. Sure, there is always someone that wants to bring harm upon others, but it's really their problem, not yours. I am not asking everyone to be forget about the world and live in their own. Just be nice, and in return, people will be nicer to you. Just don't expect any returns, give, and you shall receive. I think, therefore I am, changing yourself will change the world around you.

Cheers!

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Sleep

Who doesn't like sleep? I have currently found a few that says that sleep is a waste of time, because you are doing nothing. Technically speaking, your body, mind and soul are recovering from a day's (or in some case, a few days') work, so you are doing something, just not knowing it. Everyone loves sleeping for the same reason. Fatigue. Something is exhausted from you, and recovery must take place, to fill in what's missing. As for me, it's more often than not, the mind. I am only a man of thought, nothing more. Action takes place much too slowly, if not none at all, to make any real impact. Another problem with me is that I know what's holding me back, but I couldn't be bothered to solve it like other people do. And when that happens, I sleep...... This is the vicious cycle of my life...... Boy, this is depressing......

*ZzzzZzzzZzzz...

Monday, June 25, 2007

Start early

A lot of people tend to do things only when they are required to do so. So many opportunities that present themselves bare right under people's noses, but they never seem to realize it before it's too late. For example, if you know bad health is never good, then start changing, your lifestyle, your diet, your daily routine. Just do it before you realize that going on medication is the only way. That's just one example, and there are so many more things where starting early never hurts. Youths nowadays are just thinking about partying, and never about what's going to happen to them 30 years later. Sure, a lot of things can happen, but planning early saves you for the years ahead. Don't go all out on a specific plan, just come out with a goal, a to-do list, and a not-to-do list. Everything will change with time and experience, and the list will mature, as you will. In other words, save the rain before the drought.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

An Inconvenient Truth

A very nice documentary, on global warming, and on how ignorant humans can be. Startled me when people knew what was happening to Earth, and still chose profit over the planet. I guess they failed to see that when there is no planet, money is nothing more than a piece of useless paper or metal. It's good to see people like Al Gore wanting to save everyone, and the planet, and tell everyone the significance of global warming. Politics is a screw-up of mankind, giving real power to those with economic power. I guess people need a catastrophe before taking any action to make changes. What's even worse, people will want other people to die so profit can be sucked out from their deaths, and mishaps. Sure, there are more than 6 billion of people on this overpopulated planet, a few billions of death would help, their money vault, that is. Maybe the Earth should be thrown into a dark age to make the point clear, even though it is so very obvious now, that the Earth is slowly collapsing, and taking everything along with it. I would like to laugh at those that didn't care when they end up suffering the consequences, even if I have to bear it with them. Dark, but it's that little satisfaction that matters. Every little bit helps, if everyone is willing to do their part. Do visit this site for more information: http://www.climatecrisis.net/

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Scrounge

Seems that my little quest for cheap food has gone quite well. All I need now is an alliance, with my colleagues, to search for all that is good and cheap. Going through the alternative have never been this fun. Walking in the mall and looking at menus and prices. Time to get food samples! Still that little cretin scrounging for food. Ok, big little cretin.

*stomach grumbles*

Shit......

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

New Location

The current company that I am working for has shifted to a new location, and it happens to be right above a shopping mall. It saved me a lot of transportation fee, but now I have to worry about food expenses. Seems that there aren't any food stalls selling cheap food at walking distance, so it's like from the frying pan into the fire. There is always a balance to everything is so true at times, and I guess now I need to survey around for the cheapest food selling premises...... darn......

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Winds of change

Walking my dog yesterday, there were currents of wind that continued for minutes. The current was moderate, and is extremely soothing. I have always liked the wind, and it has been a while since there were currents as strong as yesterday. My mind was blank, every part of my body was entranced by the feeling of wind blowing against it. Then there was this instance where I found myself.

I am nothing.

To myself, I am nothing. I am only something to everyone else. The son, the friend, and the bastard who took all his/her food. Humans need each other to be something. Without others, we are nothing.

风, 虚虚地抚摸, 渗入我脑海里, 夺走了思想, 留下一片平静, 那一剎哪间, 寻找到了自己 - 空. 原来我什么都不是.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Easier said than done

Seems that my man-ego always tells my brain that I can do things which I can't normally do. Looking at the exercises to burn fat online, the model was displaying the moves, and it didn't bother him much. So in the little corner of my man-brain, my man-ego was sending intrepid little signals to the man-logical resolution module: That's simple shit, I can do that too. Then when I was applying the same moves at the comfort of home, it sure worked the hell out of me. Slight sores was beginning emerge from the torso, and the arms, and the legs...... practically, it's the whole body. Sometimes, I wonder if my man-ego will be the death of me. "Harh, bungee jumping, I can do that." The next thing you know, I will be resting in pieces......

......of shattered ego, of course. LOL.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

White Hair

Looking at myself in the mirror, I kept my eye locked on the few strands of white hair that curled up away from the rest of the black ones. It reminds me of a few people, the first being my father. He is a hot tempered person, but the years have slowly reduce his temperament, every weekday, Working for his family, his life, and his future. He may not be the perfect father figure that I have always hoped for, but I was never the perfect son either. All his years of support and being there for his family is more than enough for being a good father. Now it's my turn to slowly take up the responsibility to take care of the family, and I will do so gladly, if not slowly.

Then there is my mother, who always keep herself in good health, and the health of the family as well. She was quite patient bringing up all her children, and have always been tolerant with my father's temper. I am extremely thankful that my family is still intact after all these years, and even while I wasn't too kind to her during the teenage years, I am glad it's all over now, and I am glad that I am where I am, because of my parents, bringing me up as the human that I am. Even though I can't cook well, I am EXTREMELY thankful for all the wonderful food that my mother have been making, and is still making now.

Then finally, I think about myself. What have I done? I keep asking myself this question, but the answers seems to elude my mind. Again looking in the mirror, I see a boy, who is still the same as before, carefree, and worrisome both at the same time. The few strands of white hair, curled up in its position, and me, stoned for a moment, thinking on what I want to do with my life. Then, the one answer that makes all of this pondering a whole lot more sense: I need to get myself a girlfriend.

*chuckles* Cheers to all!

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Music

Music, songs, rhythms. Anything that soothes the heart and soul, keeps my mind from thinking. I have been thinking a lot lately, most of them pointless, but they are still points to ponder. Life, and what I am going to do about it. I am always looking for ways to improve myself, be a better man in life, but it seems that I am like Peter Pan in more ways than one, the boy who never grew up. Then I look towards music and songs. Thinking too much has always been my trait, so I keep my mind occupied with music. Sleep works too, but I take a few minutes to doze off, and that few minutes are crucial, because I might go on thinking again, which will keep me awake. I would like to thank those that got me wondering, and those that kept me from it as well. Music have always worked wonders, and I hope everyone finds the same about it too.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Is it really that hard to say? I guess you can't blame people to be polite when they are trying to say it. They are a dozen ways to say it, yet a lot chose to use their body language and extremely subtle hints to say that two letters. Isn't it better to say it directly into their faces? It saves time and effort, yet it's still happening everyday...... I guess there are some people that can take "no" as an answer, but it's their problem, not the one who says it. Human interaction is a two-way process, so go figure.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Hell hath No Fury of A Woman's Scorn

Women, when in love, can be a wonderful being, radiating with light, bringing joy to wherever she goes, giving everyone the smile that lightens up his/her day. However, when provoked, you will remember her wrath for life, even if she didn't do any permanent damage to the physical, mental or spiritual self, self being the other person. They are the two extremities that a human can achieve. On the bright side, she is the angel that everyone looks up to. The mother, the wife and the lover, perfect examples of a woman in her best form. Tolerance, passion, kindness, and everything good, forever present to those who appreciate it. On the dark side, she would be the devil that brings everyone to their knees, trembling in fear. Given her enough opportunities, she can kill you before you can even blink, both literally and metaphorically. Women who left their mark in history are even more brutal than men. Men kill, yet women manipulate others to kill. Men fight, yet women can bring down cities without breaking a sweat. Men, compared to women, are very much more petty in terms of the crimes they commit. Men do it because they can, on impulse. Women do it because it's in them, on instinct. Who says women are weak? Petty men, I would say. They are a force to behold, so do be careful when dealing with them. Their best side may be luring, but treading on their worst side would be a death wish.

Monday, June 11, 2007

The Old Days

What happened to human interaction? It was so much more different when I was studying. Working life sure has a completely different base than a studying life. Everyone was close to each other, and even if not close, everyone would know each other's name. The working life however, people come and go just as easy. You know someone for three months, then he/she would leave for a better job elsewhere. I am not saying that it's bad, it's just I miss the schooling days, where people actually "hang out" with each other, not merely going out just for lunch. Talking to each other was so much more simple during the schooling period. In the working life, I seem to scare the females away, which doesn't happen when I was studying......much. I still need to better my way of approaching them and bringing myself around then...... *grumbles*

Those were the good ol' days......

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Learn something new everyday

It amazes me how many more interesting things one can learn just by talking to someone else. It doesn't have to be useful, but as long as it's new, it's good exercise for the brain. It's either I have shut myself in my own world for too long, or there's just too many things that can be learned out there. Some knowledge are gained even when we don't realize it. Ok, I think everyone would know it as "gossip" but then, the gossips are so much more entertaining than typical news you get from the newspapers. Not the tabloid kind of stuffs, just hearsay from people that heard it from someone else. You may never know what you might have not heard.

"A wise man is he who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has."
— Epictetus (c. 50-120)

Thursday, June 7, 2007

Hooked

It seems that I form attachments with other people easily, but not the other way around, especially with females. But then, I can sever the attachment easily, and don't feel bad about it as well. I have yet to fall in too deep into the chasm of relationship, but I am not sure anyone would want a person get attached too easily. No challenge, they say......

Available and searching, but very passive, deadly combination, and I have yet to break the invisible barrier that eludes myself from the rest of the ladies. So it's an infinite loop. I am bad at expressing, and ladies find it hard to accept me as who I am.

*shakes head* - there goes my love life

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

The Now and The Future

The future is always uncertain, and the now bares itself with choices to be made, which in time, will bring consequences in the future. Taking idle time to reflect this upon myself, I begin to wonder, why do I think so much about the future, and consequently, neglected the now. Hesitation is a sign of weakness, but no human being is without flaw. We fear what we couldn't handle, and fear even more when thrown into the unknown. There are so many things that could have been done during the period of our hesitation. I keep telling myself that, but my cowardice always gets the better of me. I want to do things that I would really like myself to do, but all the negative outcomes start pouring into my mind: Rejection, disappointment, grief, and the like. Even when I have decided to make that move, it would be too little, too late, considering the time I took to hesitate, which has eroded the opportunity that was once solid. If only things are simple, but that would make life a bore, wouldn't it?

On another perspective though, it's really quite simple. You make the choice, you live with the consequences. Everything comes at a price, so why hesitate when it wouldn't change anything. Humans seldom regret at the choices they made, most regret at the choices that they didn't make. Someday, I am going to learn how to hypnotize myself into doing things. There is only one good comment that will suit this situation: "Boy, get some man-balls!". Oh, and don't tell me that by not making a choice, I am already making one: choosing not to make a choice. It's more like a counter-choice. Well, hopefully the saying "better late than never" rings true when I need it.

*sighs*

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Observe

There are a multitude of times where I lack the ability to notice my surroundings. Too ignorant to bother, at least that's what I told myself. People throwing hints and I just made a fool out of myself disregarding it, unintentionally. Not being able to see the hidden meaning in anything, oblivious to everything but those that I can see, and my ability to see isn't very much well either. Sometimes, I wish I could be more careful when dealing with life, and with people. The opportunities that were once there doesn't really bare itself right in the face, and will be missed, even when I didn't know that there was the opportunity. But then, there are times where ignorance is bliss, and most of those were a few of the best moments that I have in life. Who could ask for more, there is always the pros and the cons for everything, so I will go back to my life, be the passive person that I am, and savor while it lasts.

Monday, June 4, 2007

Fatigue

A typical adult would require 8 hours of sleep, to rejuvenate himself. Apparently, I sleep for only 6 hours on weekdays, and mainly not because of work that I missed the two hours of sleep. "There is always a price to pay", like they always say. Hey it rhymes!

I guess you can't have everything, and I am human anyway.

*yawns*

Sunday, June 3, 2007

Milk as Laxative (II)

As written in the first milk as laxative article, I was trying to find out if milk really makes me poo in the morning if I drink it yesterday night. Turns out that it's for real. I took two packets of low-fat milk and had one hell of a morning the next day. And it smells like milk too, if you know what I mean. Guess there won't be anymore milk for the night, and now I finally understand why people take milk during their breakfast......

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Old habits Die Hard

This morning, when I was walking to work, and as usual, there were plenty of people distributing fliers around the exit of the train station. I seldom have the want to receive any of those fliers, so I have this habit of making the gesture to refuse the offer of fliers. Then, this morning, there is a lady distributing fliers for post-graduates, and somehow, my reflexes works faster than my brain, and showed her the hand. After seconds of walking away, my brain started to recall what I saw on the flier, something about going for Masters and such, and I was interested at getting it, but I am already far away from the lady. So, with me being too lazy to bother, I continue walking to my office. Guessed I could have just take it and throw it away instead if I don't want it next time. Like I said, old habits die hard......

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Milk as Laxative

I am not too sure why, but whenever I drink milk before I sleep, I get a tummy ache the next morning. I was trying to prove my theory, so I took more milk, and there were more excretions the next morning. Usually, I don't get the urge to shit until 10 AM, but when I started drinking milk before I sleep, I would need to use the toilet when I wake up the next day. Weird, but I never know myself for being lactose-intolerant before, and I don't think it's lactose-intolerance. Hmm... time for more experiments.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Tug O' War

I had this little theory brewed up yesterday night. I remember playing tug of war, where some of the senior members in my team told me not to put in 100% of force at the start, because you might lose vigour by mid-game. Then remember to pull, and release very little, just enough to rest your arm, but not enough for the opposing team to gain advantage, then pull again right after. When gaining the upper hand, pour everything out and drag them in, then victory is assured. It works quite similar with fishing. Then I figured, could this work in courtship? Let me explain:

- Never put 100% in the beginning: Try to keep the surprises for last. Keep them in the dark about how good you are. Just let them see a hint of your charms.
- Tugging: Don't know why, but people always seem to think that the grass is always greener on the other side of the hill. Show them what you've got, then lay low for a moment, then show them again. Showing them gives them hope, and hiding it for a moment makes them want more. Give it to them again and make them happy.
- Going all out: Go in for the kill, enough said. I am not talking about sex, just sweeping her off her feet.

Maybe I need a good smack in the head, maybe I don't. But I am only one person, and I practically have zero experience in courtship. Care to lend a hand? A few comments would be appreciated.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Multiply

"Multiply with Intel", "Multiply All You Can Do". These are some of the quotes used in the Intel Core 2 Duo Processor ads. I guess you should have guessed what's on my mind now, no? I won't deny the fact that I am as hot-blooded as any of the rest of the males in the world, so allow me to explain. When do humans "multiply", exactly? Does the word "reproduction" or "sex" comes to mind? I am not saying that I get aroused looking at Intel advertisements, please, I don't even think there is a name for people having sexual tendencies towards processors, but it sure gives me the wrong idea. Maybe it's just me, or is there anyone out there that has the same idea as me? Come on, give me a few hands, or comments in this case.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Arr! Pirates

I've just watched Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At World's End yesterday, and found it quite entertaining, but there are a few scenes that seem to drag. Seeing Jack back to his antics was more than enough a reason to watch any other Pirates sequel or prequel, and the third installment wasn't disappointing, to say the least. There is one thing that came to mind when watching Pirates 3. Mythology. Yes, mythology. A lot of critics want logical plot in movies, but I don't care what they think. Mythology is the furthest thing from logic, and I like it very much. If anyone of you readers out there know mythology, you might guessed what's on my mind. It's like telling a tale of Sindbad and his voyages, but with a lot more colorful characters in it. If you want explanations to the Pirates plot, then I would really suggest looking somewhere else, or maybe in the next installment of the Pirates series. Pirates is for those that don't take plot and character development seriously into account and would like more to see how the story unfolds itself. You may wonder why are all the characters included, but it doesn't really matter in the end, when Jack's back to his old glory. If people expect movies to explain everything else, I guess they might be better off with documentaries. Bottomline: Just go watch it, and look at the monkey go. ROFL!

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Ladies First

In the office building I work in, there is this policy that every tenant must have a card to be allowed access and egress to/from the building. So whenever it's after working hours, where everyone was rushing home, the card reading machine would be crowded with anxious people wanting to go home. So there is this one instance where I was walking in parallel with an anonymous lady. Stepping in front of the card reading machine together, I quickly step aside, and allow her to go first. I said "You first" in response, and watch her go before I follow behind. I had this question in my mind right after, "Why didn't I said 'Ladies first' instead?". Turning my head back as I walk out of the building, I saw a whole line of female staffs waiting to get out, so I chuckled to myself.

Seems that my sub-conscious mind told me to say "You first" instead of "Ladies first", because if I did, I would have to let the rest of the ladies behind me use the card reading machine first. I love the way my mind thinks. Kudos to layman's wisdom!

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Insistence

As the male creature of the human species, I try to exercise my gentlemanliness(Yes, I am surprised too, that this word exists). Seeing a middle aged lady in the train having no place to lean against(she was standing, train was packed), and is standing right in front of me, so I offered to switch places with her, since I was leaning against the metallic wall.

She rejected my offer, and thanked me, so I nodded my head in response. Then there was this one minute pondering, about what had just happened. Seems like I need to improve on my gentlemanliness more. I could have insisted and give way to the lady, then only I could accept her thanks properly. Shrugging in my mind, I guess people are trying to be polite while I was being ignorant. Or was I? I would never know, but the next time I try to be kind, I need to insist that they accept it, unless they really don't want it. But then, I put myself in the lady's shoes (Not that I can really fit in them), and I would have accepted my offer anytime, without hesitation. I guess that's what held me back from insisting. Still trying to get rid the me being insensitive, so I hope to see a more gentlemanly version of me in the future. Or was I being too sensitive already?

*shakes head and shrugs*

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

If I was, if I were

Like any other day in my life, I was going on my daily routine, my thought came upon an interesting question: When we want to use the "what-if" scenario on ourselves, do we use "If I was" or "If I were"? Since childhood, I was brought up to think that "I" is a singular pronoun that is followed by singular verbs, for example, "I was sleeping", or "I was lazing around". Grammatically speaking, "I were sleeping" is wrong, but I recalled instances where I heard people using "If I were..." on the television. So, like any other curious denizens of the world, I went to Google and searched "If I were". and found an interesting example:
"If I was a hopeless cad, I apologize."
"If I were a hopeless cad, I would never apologize."
http://alt-usage-english.org/excerpts/fxifiwas.html
It helped me understood better, both were correct, and the context greatly differs from each other. Laughing with myself, I begin to realize how Internet users, like us, are prone to Google for stuffs. See? Google actually became a verb in everyday sentences. Internet is blending in so seamlessly into the trend of the world, and by the time we realized it's too late, Internet has a hold over everyone.
"If I was a moron, I don't care."
"If I were a moron, I don't give a shit on what you are thinking"
XD - I am D Umbrella Moron. HAH! Who's your dummy now?

Monday, May 21, 2007

Earthquake

After the tsunami incident on 2004, I have been monitoring earthquakes ever since. I live in a country that isn't harassed by earthquakes, so the tsunami incident came like the storm, silent and deadly. No one was expecting a massive tidal wave to hit the shores, and what we could have prevented turned out ugly. People died and some still lost in sea. Somehow, I have this dark intent in me, hoping to see another earthquake, although I hate to see people die. Thus, I found out this earthquake monitor from Google. Check it out: http://www.iris.edu/seismon/. I have been watching for possible earthquakes that might be strong enough to send another tsunami our way, and found myself looking at the earthquake monitor everyday, except for weekends. Hopefully, I get to warn people before another tsunami incident wreak havoc again. I am not sure if I am a sick person, but there is a certain expectation in me that makes me want to be one of the firsts to know.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Hot Pitstops

The train saves me lots of time and money for not having to drive to work. No jams and no fuel expenses, who could complain? Then there is the saying "Good things come to an end", which rings true at times. I remember being in a train where one of its compartments is having an air conditioning failure, which means no cool air with dozens of people crammed in a train, in hot country. I happened to be in that compartment on a day to work. The heat building up was a slow process, like poison. It was until a few stops later, the people in the compartment begin to show signs of sweat. I was one of them. It's like sauna, with less heat, but many more people in it. I don't mind sweating before working. It's just the impatient people in the train that I can't stand. They have to move around, "tsk"ing around, and grumbling around like people around him/her aren't irritated by the heat as well. With a few of them doing the same thing, I keep wondering to myself, does it help? It builds more heat, and others get irritated more seeing them going on with their not-so-silent protests. Hey, it's freaking hot, we get it. Stop contributing to the heat, everyone is as hot and sweaty as you. Bloody morons, if you'd asked me.

Then there is another time where there was a power supply failure on some station, no air conditioning and only one track can be used at a time, so the train will stop after every two stops, to allow the train on the opposite track to pass, means interchanging of tracks at intervals. Each intervals would be a 30 minutes wait, so in my tiny little mind, I made calculations. The train stops after two stations, means it will stop at the 3rd station, the 6th station, and so on. My stop was the 8th station, and my heart nearly screamed with joy, since I performed this calculation on the 2nd 30-minute wait of the train. The years of hard training on Mathematics finally paid off. I finally reached my stop and wipe off the sweat from my forehead, and vowed never to enter train where the air conditioning is screwed.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

First Project

As I was enthusiastic in the first things to come, I got my first project from the company that I am working for. Being a Java Game programmer, I was thrilled by the news. But the thrill went to a downwards slope when I was briefed. I am in charge of a pornographic project. So it seems that the headquarters from a foreign country agrees that sex sells, they decided to issue a porn slide show application and so happens that I was new, and I have no projects at hand, I got the job. I am not really complaining...... much, but being in the wrong place at the wrong time, I got myself free porn. Beats doing nothing at all, so it's back to sorting the pictures out for me. *snickers*

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Crack Attack

Yes, apparently, I hurt my crack on the train today. As usual, the train I take to work everyday is packed with other passengers, so I have to stand close to the door in the train. When the train stopped at a station, someone from the inside wants to get out of the train, so with me standing between that passenger and the exit, my basic etiquette tells my brain to step away to give way. What it forgets to tell me though, was to look where I set my foot upon. Somehow, I move my foot just enough to step into the space between the train and the boarding platform, and I fell into it, leaving everything but my left leg above the train, and the instance I realized it, my crack saved my life. It was a stinging pain, but luckily, no wound. One of the passengers helped me up and I could feel the pain from the bruise I got in between my butt, more to the right side. Relieved that it could have been worse, I learned a painful lesson: your crack isn't supposed to break your fall.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Choices

The dreaded question. A or B? Or C or D? Life is full of choices, and decisions might very well affect the future. There is a certain saying commonly used in Star Wars: Knights of The Old Republic 2, a game from Lucasarts and Obsidian Studios: "The choices we make sends ripples through the Force, regardless of how insignificant they seemed to be". You will never know what will happen if you have made another choice. If only life has the option to load and save, and everyone gets to see how their choices branch out. Ironically, if we give everyone the ability to do so, consequences wouldn't bring much of an impact to the human being. Everyone would just load/save the world into chaos. But then, the choices in life aren't as linear as those in the games. It can range from a simple choice of choosing the pattern for the new curtain, to whose life to save first in an emergency. It's amazing how life turns out to be, everything we do can affect us and everyone around us.

Sometimes, we even make choices when we wouldn't realize it. Life is both beautiful and brutal at the same time, it just depends how you look at it. Me, I have no problem dealing with them at all: I throw them back. XD

Don't hesitate before choices, don't linger after them. Don't be quick to accept, and don't be harsh to judge. Move away or move along, but always get a move on. Moderation is key, so go figure! XD

About The Site

It's a blog, or more professionally, a weblog. What else did you expect?

*laughing cynically*

Ok, sorry for the lame joke. This is my place to type out to my heart's content, metaphorically speaking of course. Most of my articles will be on my thoughts, and maybe on games that I played before. I will try not to involve politics or any sensitive topics, but there won't be guarantees. If you have read the section on my profile, you should have guessed why would I want a blog. I like to crap, a lot, so this is the place to do that, since I don't talk too much around people. There's another reason too, to be honest. I would love the extra income it generates, if possible. Regardless of how little the amount, it's still killing two birds with a stone, so it wouldn't hurt to try. Hopefully, my articles are an entertaining read, as such is the tiny little intention that emerges whenever I post articles. Any constructive feedbacks are welcomed, and I would want to thank those that take their time to go through my blog. The frequency of new articles would be quite random, but I will make sure there is a new article every week, so please be patient.

Why D Umbrella Man? It's pretty simple actually. I walk home most of the time, and because my driving suffers from my bad sense of direction, so I always carry an umbrella with me whenever I am out of the house. A dude that carries an umbrella, hence, "Umbrella Man". I googled for "Umbrella Man" and found out that it has something to do with the John F. Kennedy assassination. This site has nothing to do with that. Absolutely nothing at all. "The Umbrella Man" sound too typical, so I used "D Umbrella Man" instead, since you will need to pronounce "The" as "D" when it goes in front of vowels. Then there is also the influence of the Anime/Manga titled "D Grey Man", even though I never watched it before, I've heard of it. I know it's obvious when you put all of the words together, you spell "Dumb" right away, but I don't really care about that. If you have any inquires, please contact me through my e-mail, and I will reply as appropriate.

About The Author

Typical Details about me (There might be more, not about to list all of them out.):

Name: Classified
Date of Birth: 17th of December, 1985
Gender: Male
Religion: Doesn't really have one, a free thinker, but not an atheist
Race: Does it matter?
Location: Take a guess :)

Education: Got myself a degree in Software Engineering
Occupation: Programmer

Hobbies and Interests: Games, any games, computer games, board games, card games, anything.
Favourite Read: Almost anything but currents issues in the newspapers, sword and sorcery themed books, strategy guides, game reviews, and parodies.
Favourite Shows: Most sitcoms, Documentaries, most of the movies that didn't made it into the oscar nomination and aren't lousy ones, animations, and none of the horror flicks.
Favorite Music: In-game music, J-Pop, cartoon music, Anime music, and a few of the oldies.

Contact me at: dumbrellaman_at_gmail_dot_com


About me:
I am an easy person to describe. Your typical next-door neighbour kind of guy.

*awkward silence*

Ok, there may be more to me than there is, but~ being in first person perspective, I can only give you what I think about myself. I am a goody-two-shoes, for most of the time. *laughs gleefully*

*awkward silence again*

(-_-")

Technically speaking, I have different personalities when dealing with people in different social group, but one thing remains. I am a happy-go-lucky person......well, sort of anyway. I can be carefree at one moment, then dark and brooding at another. My mood doesn't switch in an instant though. It would be quite scary, if I did.

When in range of friends, albeit more than acquaintances, and relatives, I laugh and smile all the time, provided that they didn't awaken the inner demon in me, which is something quite hard to achieve. I don't get angry as often as I do with this particular social group when compared to with siblings, both male and female.

I do enjoy all sorts of conversations. I like hearing people talk, and me listening. There is so much to learn from their rant, banter, chat, or any of the like. When you begin to listen, you will start see the world in colours. The tiny bits and pieces of information begin to form around you, shaping themselves into puzzle pieces that click together to create what we call reality, or life as it is. Communication is an art, which I would like to believe, and I definitely need to better my speech. I can speak in Chinese much better than I can speak in English, and I have the tendency to crap a lot.

Then, there is me among my family. I am the eldest son, so there are responsibilities, but I seldom take them seriously; A bad thing to begin with, but I managed well so far. I have semi-authoritative power over my siblings, but then, I only make them do menial tasks for me, nothing more than "Grab a bowl for me" or "Bring me food" and the like. The only people I shout at are my siblings, but it doesn't mean I always do that. I am happy that everyone is close enough to each other in my family, so there won't be any complaints. I talk a lot more with my family than with others, so I am the noisiest one around, and I get a lot of feedback as well.

Finally, there is this last group that I would call the "void". This group are those that we call strangers, males and females alike. I am extremely shy around them, especially the females. I have problems talking to girls that I don't know, and guys, of course. The only time where I would actively speak to them is when I need them out of the way. Don't get me wrong, it's those instances where you would say "Excuse Me" to let them know that they are blocking your path. In parties, or social gatherings, I would be a wallflower most of the time. Unless it's a close friends gathering, for most of the time, I would just do the "sit back" part and the rest of the people do the "enjoy" part.

Well, enough about that. Lets talk about my character. I have very low self determination, so you can call me the LSD dude, LMAO! Ok, and I am very lazy too, which chains to my everything in me. My initiative is super low, which in the long term, affected my short term memory. I have problem remembering stuffs, and will eventually forget them if I don't do them right away. Some don't even last that long. Ever tried forgetting what to say when you want to say it? It happens to me...lots. I don't have much commitment...yet, so I appreaciate the life that I am having now, a lot, and savouring it while it lasts.

Alright, time to end this. I would want to thank those that read my long essay about me right up to this point. There is so much more about me and I think I have bragged enough of it, so if you are interested in getting to know me more, give me an e-mail and I would try my best to give you a reply, satisfaction not guaranteed. Hey, it's literally impossible to make evryone happy, so it's give and take. Remember that I am in fact a LSD dude (I just love to use that...), so less expectations, more get on with life. LOL. Cheers!

P.S. I absolutely love to play games, computer games above all else.

Monday, May 14, 2007

My First Article

There's always a first in everything, but then, does it matter? Now, since this is my first article on the Internet, let's talk about "first"s, and its significance. Who doesn't remember their first victory? I certainly don't. LMAO! Ever remember the first time you manage to turn yourself over as a baby? I don't know anyone who does. It seems that our animal instincts died away as our brains are filled with the rest of the world (Please don't tell me humans aren't animals. Pointless debate. Do take note that there is a difference between animals and beasts).

Are we much happier when we were a child? Of course! At least in my opinion. I don't really think a baby wants a Nintendo DS, or a Sony Playstation 3. All he / she needs is food, and guardianship. Who'd ever know that this child would soon grow up into a spoiled brat or a wonder kid? Parental guidance is what forms the basis of our would-be future. Many of our child's "first"s would be monitored, and assessed by parents. Remember, children are NOT our burden, they are our future.

Then there are first failures. There won't be victory without failure. A person that never fails, never succeeds, in a sense of saying. Admitting failure and emerging victorious from it is so much more meaningful than instant victory. I am not saying that instant victory is bad, it's just without having to meet failure in the face before, it's would be disastrous for a person to be defeated when he/she had won so many times before.

Both victory and failure has it's importance, pride and humility are as important as to each other. Too much pride, you fall, too humble a person, you become ignorant. I used to fail in my arts, but I can now draw better than all of my siblings. I used to fail my physical tests, now I have more stamina and strength than all my siblings. But then, I am not comparing myself with those that are good, and older than me, so I can't say much. At least I am still better than my siblings. ROFLMAO!!!

Who could ever forget their first love? Even though I have none... Anyway, that wonderful feeling of the heart fluttering, skipping a few beats when you are near those you cherished. Those are the playings of hormones that does wonders to your groin. Ok... Forget the latter part of the phrase, but it is becuase of them, you feel for once the happiest man/woman alive, that is until you got married for 10 years... But then, not many couples have a successful marriage, do they? It takes so much to keep him and her happy, sometimes, people seem to take things for granted and ruin everything. I have always dreamt of a wonderful marriage, but how can I do that without even having a girlfriend? I have a sad, sad love-life....... Come to think of it, I have none. Ok, time out, I am going to stop complaining about what I don't have.

Now let's go to our first wish coming true. Having a computer could very well be one of the best things that ever happened to me. Games was so much fun when it's so interactive. I remember my first computer game being Pac-Man (No, I have not been to the arcade before when I was young. Thank you). Being a kid as I once was, Pac-Man influenced me to eat whatever food that is being place in my plate, and resulted in the increase of my size...... Then around 6 years later, I got another computer, I started playing games like Diablo 2, and the like, and got myself hooked onto playing games. Good thing that my parents restrained my playing time. If not, I would not be where I am now. I would like to thank the gaming industry, and my family for being so active and well alive after so many years, and many more years to pass. It has been more than 6 years now, and I plan to get another new PC, but I will need to save on the expenses, so hopefully, I can get myself one by Christmas.

Technically speaking, I am not really talking about "first"s, but more on it's significance. Without the head start, I would never have crapped so much. So since I am very new to the blogging community, hopefuly, I get to read comments for my posts for days to come. I am still young, and there are so many more "first"s to come for me. I wish everyone well, and hope that I can include more humour into my articles next time. I don't really have much of them anyway......